One Direction Review

I am about eight years older and one Bratz doll collection short of being the average One Direction fan, but years of Jonas Brother concert deprivation (looking at you, Mom!) led me to graciously accept the opportunity to see another boy band-- AKA Britain's hottest foursome-- when they rolled into Minneapolis Sunday. Knowing neither the names nor the complete discography of the boys, I decided I would be safe from committing my concert vice of buying a $50 T-shirt and/or making a fool of myself screaming along to the songs. Spoiler: I was wrong.

As swarms of pre-teens screamed their lungs every time at a pre-show commercial for One Direction's latest fragrance came on the big screen (Between Us, available August 5, balances delicate undertones of gardenia petal mixed with a sensual blend of patchouli and amber), I sat sweating like a pig in the 94 degree heat, wondering how much louder it could possibly get when the tweenies saw the boys in real life. Little did I know, it would get both louder AND hotter. 

After Icona Pop was done with their half hour cock-block of an opening act, the stadium full of hysterical teens and suicidal parents finally got their money's worth when the boys of One Direction emerged from a cloud of smoke. From my seat, the boys looked like ants, albeit being the best sounding and best-coiffed ants I'd ever seen. As they sang their opener 'Clouds', fireworks were launched and-- whether it was the heat or my hormones to blame-- I felt my unimpressed facade begin to slip and my heart begin to throb. By the time the boys were singing their hits like 'Live While We're Young' and 'What Makes You Beautiful,' I was flailing my limbs like Taylor Swift dancing at an award show and singing the lyrics (incorrectly) at the top of my lungs, simultaneously calculating my bank balance in my head hoping I had enough in my account to afford a T-shirt.

Little Things

The songs all sounded like the polished pop displayed on the four albums the band has released, but the real stand-out moments of the concert didn't happen during the songs, but during the moments between the music. As they say on motivational wall art everywhere, it is indeed, the little moments-- or should I say, the 'Little Things'-- that make life big. Here were my favorites of the night:

  • To allow his other bandmates the chance to change their sweaty T-shirts mid-concert, frontman Harry Styles killed time by singing Happy Birthday to one lucky, lucky audience member. This would've been great say it had actually been someone's birthday and had not been the unimpressed 50-year-old woman (undoubtedly accompanying a granddaughter) who stood by with a constipated look on her face as Style's crooned a belated Happy Birthday for her May DOB. 
  • This awkward moment was completely redeemed when Style's reemerged for the encore with his hair in a man bun. Cue the swoons and the heart-eye emojis. 
  • Apparently Louis ripped Liam's T-shirt putting his abs on display and likely causing some sexual awakening for the youngsters in the crowd. I was headbanging too hard to see this event transpire, but did get to witness the Liam's abs in all their pixelated glory on the Jumbotron. You too can witness the beauty in Buzzfeed's article The 6 Best Angles of Liam Payne's Ripped-Open Shirt From Last Night. (I personally think angle three is the best.)

The Takeaway

Knowing roughly 38 percent of the setlist, I was not a typical fan, but perhaps better suited for fandom than the eleven year old's making up the majority of the audience. With racy lyrics ranging from choruses of "Tonight let's get some" to hooks of "When we get together, don't let the pictures leave your phone," it seemed like the band deserved-- or was at least hoping for-- a more eighteen-plus audience than the third-grader sitting in front of me. Nevertheless, it seemed that everyone in the stadium enjoyed something about the concert, even if it was just the thought of fetching the car on the way out (lookin' at you, parents.)

I, for one, left the concert with a newfound appreciation for British accents and bubblegum pop. And even though I didn't stop to buy my T-shirt, my soul is proudly donning a 100 percent cotton travesty screen-printed with Harry, Louis, Niall, and Liam.

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